This has been running for almost a year now and it was a severe HEARTACHE!
Anything is possible. There are things which are impossible. I know I have to live with the possible ones. But something that happened in me which I thought was REALLY impossible and yet, it happened!
For the passed months, I was in a controversy of making different status like I was in desperation, frustration and sometimes, EMO pa daw ako where all my status were like, pain and being hopeless. Pero the truth is, I am in love and I was hurt!!
It was not my first time to dream about a guy and when I woke up, I felt the "crush". But this one was different. When I woke up that particular morning from dreaming, I knew that it wasn't just like that, it was not just a crush that arouse me from that dream but it was something that won't stop there.............
The dream was persistent. Ang panaginip ko na iyon, ay nasundan pa ng ilang panaginip and I started feeling like, this is not like as before. I am in love again and it really hits me.
I let my friends know every inch of the dream details. I am happy that I can able to feel this kind of emotion toward the guy that I've known for so long but never did I even imagine to get across, even build a crush on him and eventually, falling in love with him.
I let the feeling grew deeper. Though I only see him quite often. We just talked if needed and when we see each other, we just shrugged our shoulders just like that. I never wanted him to be aware of what he is to me nor I wanted him to know my feelings for him. Because I know, the feelings that I kept for so long in my heart will cannot be appreciated and cannot be reciprocate. However, I let myself drew a smile on my face each time I see him, he really can complete my day!!
But time goes by and it came to me that he knows my feelings already for him, from a friend who is very close to me, she said that he has an idea. "So be it", I said. I can see nothing wrong from having a crush on him. If he knew, then let it be. Tutal, wala rin naman yun kwenta kase di rin nya kayang suklian. Though at the back of my mind, I was kinda hurting na and says, here I go again, falling inlove with the wrong person, masasaktan lang naman ako.
One day in October, while I was in the office checking for my new notifications, something popped up at the left corner of my screen, at the center of the three icons of FB. I opened it without any excitement. But when I saw who it was, my heart was almost literally skip down to my stomach!! As in, it was like my heart pounded ng sabay-sabay at super akong kinabahan at na excite!!
He invited me for a "friendly date"......and the rest was history.
After that date, I can hear nothing on him again..Seems like he did not enjoy the date or I was not really his type so he stopped from there.. Did he regret that day or he was just trying to have a friendly date lang talaga. No more, no less. No expectations whatsoever!
Until now, we casually talk when we have a chance to see in awhile. Parang walang nangyari ah!
I knew now my fault and that is expecting too much from him.
I was terribly hurt from being avoided and being ignored.
I should not have wished and hope for impossible...but I am still thankful that it happened...
